Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in maverick_117x's LiveJournal:

Saturday, February 25th, 2006
1:26 am	women... yea i got stood up today the newgirl i jus started talking to who is one of the only girls i can pictre dating after my last relationship blunders,went out with a girl and she only invited me so she can introduce me to her many guy "friends" she out for vengence, one girl i was interested in got a boyfriend, the one girl i actually date for almost a year my first and only love seems to have moved on i cant blame her it seem that we will never be theres always some kind of drama. the girl i for some reason have an uuber magnetic bond to went out of town for a week with her gone i was able to slowly get over her and start talking to 3 new girls but she came back to town today and i saw her out of the corner of my eyes 50 ft away in a huge crowd and i melted all over again we barely dated and shes moved on and fell in love but i cant move on atleast while i see here around. i was talking to another girl i was somewhat interested and was sweet with her but she was very dry i guess she only saw me as a hook up now that i treat her like that she complains that i'm a dirt bag. everywhere i go there seems nobody for me whether a family member a friend or a lover i strike out everytime. Current Mood: frustrated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:15 am	yea yea well all my cousin supposedly life long companion cousins stabbed me in the back and my great aunt uncles and "close" relatives stabbed me in the back there spreading rumors and trying to taint my great grandmothers image of me. they were all jealous cause i'm the favorite and they are out to get me and indulge in my lost and pain. they all smile and try to manilpulate me and the elders in my family its all politcal and disgusting. i went to my father for guidance and asked him to protect me from his cousin our conversation ended with him saying "fuck you Michael". i realized everyone i thought so highly of and loved are actually trying and rooting for me to fall. the only one i can trust anymore are my mom grandma(but so much anymore too shes starting to by into the rumors lies n hype) my great grandma and my aunt. all my friends screwed me over at one point these last few monthes. i'm left alone alone to trust myself. i'm burdened by this self imposed exile i feel I have to carry anything that comes my way alone. its been 54 monthes since i smoked weed and i fight to quit smoking i go 2 weeks then i smoke a pack then i quit i cant help but get pissed and smoke. i drink only socially and i completely done away with the disgusting habit of chewing tobacco. its my fathers birthday tommorow we pretty much disowned each other two days ago i dont know if i should visit him i dont know whats the points its been like 3 monthes since i seen him i'm tired of acting like he's my "dad" i like to think of his as just a sperm donor. Current Mood: crazy (Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
3:31 pm	Friends... I'm tired of being the drifter the one who gets really close to people then drifts away. I have a new set of bestfriends every school quarter. Everyone i meet changes i'm the epidemy of a true friend why cant anyone recipricate the loyalty. PHHHH w/e Current Mood: calm (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
2:21 pm	update i quit my job moms pissed but dad and abuela are happy they say i should jus focus on school. well i dont have to worry about work i'm glad i use to pull out my hair i would work 25 hours a week go to school 35 night school 8 homework like 10 chores like 5 guitar like 2 gym like 5 and onlt like 4-5 hours a sleep a night. but no work so i can focus on finishing night school quick and then only worry about school guitar working out and maybe going back to martial arts my long lost love. Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
2:06 pm	Women... Funny how hubby Mike Moran could go from disney romance to jus empty hook ups. I use to be in a long romantic marriage like relationship but many hardships turned it into a tainted love. I rather not go into detail about what happened but it ended and rocked my world. Then i fell head over heels for another the she dumped me. Since then i went on a player hook up rampage. I then found that unfufilling and it left me barron and broken. Then i gained a reputation of a hook up heart breaker this twisted my public persona and left everyone with the wrong interpretation of me. I have one girl i love and shes head over heels in love with me but all we do is fight, hook up, and have our parents hate the other. Another girl i really like but she got over me and has somebody i wonder if she know i still like her. and a bagillion girls who bascially cut me out of there life because there sick of my "games". I'm sorry i never meant to hurt anyone i was jus really confused. But now i know i want a real relationship again i'm ready for one i jus dont want any more drama or conflict. but theres nobody who likes me anymore or can give me a stable relationship. i want to watch a scary movie on my couch in our pajamas cuddling and eating fluff and nutters(peanut butter and marshmellow cream ssandwiches) Current Mood: lonely (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:38 pm	Pain is weakness leaving the body I've made alot of mistakes and experienced alot of pain but i feel i'm much more stronger for it. But to my parental figures i'm told i'm becoming a fuck up! I've gotten into two car accidents in one year, had alcolhol posining, went into deep depression over a girlfriend, went into a deeper depression over my most cherised loved ones passing, got fired from a pizzeria job, failed two classes. But what people dont understand is that life isnt a fork in the road left being a path of a drug dealer burn out and right being a doctor from harvard. Life has many courses and many end points. Jus because i dont follow the yellow brick road doesnt mean i will fall. In life there isnt absolute light nor dark everyone is jus a different shade of gray. Theres many routes that can get me to the same destination as joe smoe who took the path more popularly followed. i'm tunrning eighteen and rapidly approaching the fork. And i say fuck left and right i'm going to blaze my own trail and rip through the middle. I'm going to go to do it my way and perserve through any and all obstacles mark my words nothing will stand in my way. despite popular belief i will survive and on top of that i wll succeed. To every teacher who accused me of cheating on a test because the classes' highest test score couldnt have come from me. To every teacher who thought i plaigerized because my essay couldnt have been so eloquently written. I'm coming with a wrath and my resolve stronger than ever. I'll make those who took care of me proud and make those who treated me condescendingly see that i'm Michael Alexander Moran the rising underdog. Current Mood: pissed off (Comment on this)
1:29 pm	Man of many vices I got a second earpiercing i really like it. But my two grandmothers nearly broke down in tears it burned inside of me. My mother is completely stressed out by me and my father who is nowhere to be found when hes needed claims he cant sleep at night due to me being a "lost soul". So i dabbled in all substance abuse i went thorugh a chewing tobbacco phase tried marijuana and i found those things not to be me. But i found out for myself not through tacky propaganda. So i occasionally smoke cigars or cigarettes which i'm planning on quiting but this doesnt make me a crimial does it? i Know its damaging but its my body to choose to damage. Drinking, whats wrong with an occaisonal drink? Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
1:11 pm	The Introduction I finally made a livejournal. I decided to create this online journal for the sole purpose to vent my frustrations and preserve my sanity. I've been changing alot lately people tell me i'm not who i was and i'm going down a dark path. But every villain never sees themselve as a "bad guy" it's all perspective. Maybe this is my destiny who i am suppose to evolve into not that i'm just steering off course. I tired of guilt for not being who people want me to be. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)